Feeling Relieved!

Okay, I have to admit...I have been dealing a lot with not knowing what to pray for anymore. I feel so tired of praying and praying. All I am doing is repeating myself over and over again. I have been feeling guilty about taking "a break" from praying. I know that sounds terrible, but let me explain.

I wouldn't say I am having trouble praying for God's will, but with really meaning it when I saw that my strong desire for a child is interfering with my ability to pray for God's will, not that I don't want what He wants for my life, but even asking God to soften that desire to make it more bearable. I guess I do have a hard time submitting.

It comes down to this: Do I want what I want, or do I want what God wants. Am I willing to give up my wants and desires, no matter how natural they might be. Can I get to that point?

I know that praying for God's will to be done, and that no matter what is happening right now, God's will IS being done, even if I am not pregnant yet. I guess sometimes I just feel too tired to pray. I know that God is listening, its just I have repeated myself so much. I feel that I have prayed from every conceivable angle and I just don't know what else to say.

I told Stuart the other night that I haven't prayed in like a week. I was explaining all these feelings and then I read in my book that night this:
When words fail us and we are too weary to pray, the Holy Spirit was interceding on my behalf, lovingly reminding the Heavenly Father of what my heard didn't know how to express. The other thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that friends and family members were faithfully upholding Stuart and I in prayer.

Now I know what you are thinking..."How can I expect God to answer my prayers when I don't even have the strength to persevere. In the end, I have to trust God knows my heart. I am not being lazy and relying on other people to do what I should be doing, but one of our responsibilities is to bear each others burdens, and I am eternally grateful for those people in my life who are bearing my burden of prayer! Thank you so much!

Okay, I am done writing now. Please know that I am still praying, but sometimes I think those of us who are struggling with asking so much and feeling like we are repeating ourselves, rest assured that if we need a small break of asking...it's okay! God knows our hearts!
Love to you all!
Merry Christmas!